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May 18, 2007


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Purrnell Calico, Attny-at-Law

To whom it may concern:

Our client, the International Brotherhood of Felines (Local 459) has referred all further communication to our firm.

We are perfectly ready to defend our characterization of "Buddy" (whose actual given name in the dog world is Mroof Roof-roof, which translates roughly to "Sniffy Buttlicker") as a known drug user. In fact, he is an ADMITTED drug user. AND a dog. No proper jury of cats would believe him.

(We note, by the way, the picture of his attorney burying her face in his. Since dogs are known to prefer sniffing other dog's asses, we can draw our own conclusions about his attorney's breath.)

We have received alarming news that one of our operatives, a Ms. P. Cat, has been assaulted and held against her will and is to be incarcerated for performing her legally constituted duties. We demand you release her forthwith and apologize for your unseemly strong-arm traffic.

The wheels of cat justice grind slowly but exceedingly fine. You'll get yours, my pretty. And your little dog, too.

Purrnell Calico, Attny-at-Law

My apologies. That should have read "strong-arm TACTICS".

Hey, YOU try typing with paws.


Don't start with me, Bucko. I am currently seeking new counsel, having fired my other attorney for going off to school in my time of need.
Revenge will be swift and forthcoming. Have you ever seen me attack?

Sorry to hear you can't type with your paws. I not only open french doors and kitchen cabinet doors with ease, but also am skilled at opening car windows as well. typing? pfft. piece of cake!


Oh! Oh! Oh!

I'd like some cake, too please!




I'm enjoying this, so I hope it continues!!


I have been enjoying the exchange and the Clawsuits.


Cat Caregiver Slapped With Lawsuit

Tampa, FL. (AP) A Tampa area woman will be forced to defend herself in Superior Court against a $35-M lawsuit alleging neglect, maltreatment, forced labor, and denial of basic feline rights. Local 459 of the International Brotherhood of Felines filed the lawsuit on Monday.

The respondent, identified only as "Laura" to protect the identity of the innocent cats in her care, is alleged to have committed a laundry list of violations against the rights of felines. Spokescat Rico says the record damages sought make this a groundbreaking case.

"The actual damages sought in this case are quite small. The bulk of the claim comes from the intentional infliction of emotional distress as well as punitive damages. We want this case to set a precedent that will be heard all over America," said Rico.

The suit alleges that "Laura" forced the cats in her care to clean floors, do gardening chores, and other tasks unrelated to their natural roles as comfort-givers and mattress testers.

"Cats have long-standing traditional responsibilities to be cute, to curl up in humans' laps, to keep their chairs and mattresses warm, and provide humans with an outlet for their tummy-rubbing needs," says Rico. "In return, all we ask is to have our every need - real and/or imagined - catered to. It's a fair deal, negotiated over centuries upon centuries. This alleged "care-giver" is nothing more than a tyrant trying to run a sweat-shop for cats. Well, that may work in third world countries, but by God this is America, and we have rights and we will not see those rights trampled on."

The lawsuit also alleges that "Laura" illegally maintains a drug-crazed canine, identified as "Buddy", to terrorize the cats into doing her bidding. "You can't imagine the fear we live in on a daily basis, knowing that at any moment "Buddy" can just snap and go on a rampage of drinking water from the toilet, sniffing our asses, and barking really really loudly. It's a living Hell," says Rico.

The plaintiff, "Laura", could not be reached for comment. Asked to respond to the allegations, "Buddy" just licked himself and fell back to sleep.

- 30 -


Oh, I'm just going to show you emotional DISTRESS, you pain in the whatnot. Local 459, my arse. And for the last time, my dog is NOT a drug crazed canine, nor does he drink from the toilet. If my lawyer would just get out of the swimming pool and stop eating popsicles long enough to deal with this properly, I would sue your puckered spray whizzer all the way to Canada.

I'm going to sit down with Bacardi Law Review tonight and take care of this non-issue once and for all.
Oh wait... after LOST is on, then I'll tackle it.
If I'm still awake.
Local 459, pah. I shake in my boots.


I'm very happy to see your Buddy doing so well. He really looks great, Laura. I'll have to backtrack here to see what this is all

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