And one by one, the stars would all go out

This is a tough post to write, but it's got a bittersweet ending.  Lots of changes around here lately, as Samantha moved out and into a beautiful new apartment across town. She loves it and she's very happy there. At 20, she's jumped the nest and is moving along on the mainstreet of life.  She still works, full time, is going to school and is taking care of things on her own.  We're excited for her, although the house without her gets a little more quiet every day.  But she's happy; you can see it on her face and in her walk, and that is what we hoped for all along.  I told her she'll always have a home here, she can come back anytime, because I believe that where your family is, that's where your home is.  But I think she will be okay.

Also, I finally gave in and took Rico to the SPCA.  His spraying was out of control, and he had begun to attack our oldest cat relentlessly.  Percy, our old boy, took to staying in the master bedroom almost non stop, and Rico kept sneaking in the doggy door and go into the bedroom to look for him. 

At the time, Samantha felt, and I'd have to agree, that Rico was trying to establish himself as the Alpha Cat, pushing Percy aside in the process.  In any event, taking him to the shelter was extremely hard for me and I ended up staying in the car in a wash of tears while Rick handled the paperwork and the transfer. It didn't help that Rico meowed non-stop the entire way there.

To say I miss that cat would be an understatement. A few days before we took him in,  I had a realization that maybe I was being the selfish one, thinking that we were the only possible good owners for him.  Rico had to battle his way every single day to be accepted by our other two cats, and I've since found that you can't fight animal instincts with love alone. 

In the weeks that have followed, the most amazing change has taken place:  Percy now wants to go outside during the day and can often be found lying in the sun underneath the ferns or sound asleep on my gardening bench.   He follows me around outside, something he hasn't done in... the more I think about it, a good 5 or 6 years.  I cringe when I remember that we used to think he preferred being an indoor cat, when maybe he was staying inside because of Rico all along.

  I made sure to put on the SPCA form the exact type of home that Rico needed. I may have been a little too specific, as I filled up the entire form with his habits, but he will make someone a wonderful pet -  as long as they don't have other cats.

Following that, and the hardest to write about is that we lost our beloved Buddy last Friday. 
All these years he's had a bad habit of eating socks and dish cloths whenever we would leave the house.  Some of you know that he had diabetes that caused cataracts in his eyes which took his sight away.  I noticed the more he lost his sight, the higher his level of anxiety increased.

 He would walk into the living room looking in our general direction trying to see us, and you could see the worry on his face. It wasn't until I'd say something to him, that his entire body would sort of relax.  He'd climb up on the couch with us and settle in, sighing contentedly.  But when he couldn't find us, we'd end up seeing an assortment of dishtowels, socks, papers, bills, chewed up magazines, whatever he could find in the garbage can - all over the back yard.   And the backyard became a minefield of sorts to walk through. Whatever he ate, he pooped out.

There are those who say that blind dogs simply adjust to their predicament. I'm of the opinion now that if you can afford it, definitely consider cataract surgery if your dog is healthy enough.

In any event, the day came when all the socks and whatnot piled up into a ball inside his stomach, making it impossible for him to go to the bathroom or to eat.  He'd throw up his food and spent a long and painful week trying to poop.  His legs gave out from under him till he could no longer stand.  The vet said he needed surgery, something I didn't think we could afford to do.  I brought him home, unable to make the decision on my own. After a long night with him, I decided to take him to the vet in the morning and say goodbye for good. But I found I couldn't carry him to the car, it was amazingly difficult.

To my amazement Rick wanted to go ahead with exploratory surgery, at a cost of $600 plus expenses.  A lot of expenses.   If you knew how frugal and tight with money my husband can be, that might surprise you.  Surprised the hell out of me.  And sure enough the surgery revealed a nice collection of socks and dishcloths, all wadded up together. 

Buddy was fine after the surgery and the next day he walked around, wagging his tail, even peed. But he wouldn't eat.  Threw up his food over and over.  With diabetes, that's just not a good thing.
Fever set in the following day and when I went to see him early in the morning, I just knew it was time.

 The vet wanted to wait a bit.  Sometimes, he said, they actually pull out of their fever stage on their own.  But I felt differently and told the vet he was in pain, and I didn't want him to suffer.  I would give him till noon, but I knew.  And so we said our last goodbyes and he passed away on his own terms on one of those glorious Florida mornings that are so cold and chilly and sunny all at the same time, without a cloud in the sky, and I couldn't help thinking it was kind of fitting because that's the type of morning we would have gone out for one of his beloved walks.  If I didn't believe so strongly in my faith, I don't know what I'd do.  I know he's in a better place at this point and I hope as he crossed the rainbow bridge he could, at last... see.

He was a damn good dog and we will miss him tremendously.

 

Comments

[Sandcastle Momma]

I'm so sorry about Buddy. I love that you can think about it and know that as he crossed the bridge he could see. It's hard to lose such a beloved friend.
It sounds like taking Rico to the SPCA was the best thing for him as well as your other cats. We had to get rid of a young cat we'd gotten for our daughter because he did the same thing with our older cat. We felt like the older cat had earned Head Honcho status over the years and it wasn't fair for him to have to fight some young whipper snapper to maintain his place in the pack. You made a hard choice but a good one.
I hope your week gets better!

[Dani]

I'm so sorry Laura. Sending you lots of hugs. Email me if you ever just want to go walking and talking. :)

[pam]

Oh, Laura, I'm so very sorry. I'm sobbing as if one of my own had gone to the Bridge. Sending prayers your way.

{{HUGS}}

[Pammy]

Awwww, Laura. I'm so sorry.

[FC]

Man, I shouldn't have read this at work. I have 30 7th graders looking at me and wondering what's wrong.
I am so sorry Laura. Over the years, though we have never met, I've come to feel like I know your fine family and especially Buddy.
The fact that he was the favored boy was obvious everytime you wrote about him ... the love you feel for him always shined through the words.
Heck, I miss him and I never got to meet him.
To have this happen on top of Rico's leaving must have been crushing. Too much decision making, too much pain.
I always say every puppy is a future heartbreak, but the time until then makes it all worthwhile.
I fervently believe that, but it doesn't make the parting any easier.
I hope that you, your girls, and Rick are all dealing with this the best you can and that Buddy's happy memories soften the loss.
I'll be thinking of you with a lump in my throat.

[Janet]

I'm so sorry about Buddy :-(

And I'm hopeful that Rico will find a good home!

[Linda]

My heart aches for you...so much in such a short time....

But if you remember the rest of the song you quoted in your title: Then you and I would simply fly away.

That's what will happen...someday.

[kenju]

I know how heart-wrenching it is to lose a pet, and to lose 2 in a short time, plus a child moving out, must be the most stressful time you can imagine. I hope you can see a silver-lining in all those clouds. You have my prayers and love.

[Laura]

You're right, Judy. There is a silver lining in the good memories we have and we're able to smile now when we think back on it. It was a rather stressful month for sure.

Linda, that is actually one of my favorite songs, one I couldn't get out of my mind for some reason!

Thanks Janet. I know you've had a rough time lately yourself and my heart goes out to you, mostly. Your Dad was a very good man and I can tell from your photos and stories he will be missed greatly. I think about you two probably more often than you know. :)

FC, I can only picture the looks on your student's faces. :) Through every post we all get to know each other a little bit more and I feel like I've been watching your kids grow up in some ways. And I still think about little Gumbo from time to time. Amazing how such a little dog could leave such a lasting impact on us!

Pammy, it's been a long time. You're one of my favorite long time bloggers that always cracks me up. Thank you for your wishes!

Pam, I just had a feeling you, of all people would understand as well. Maybe some day we'll get our own version of Breagha,hmm? :)

Dani, I definitely will do that!!! Thank you:)

SandyMomma, Our week is actually getting better a little at a time. I find myself setting aside pieces of meat for him, leaving the hall light on, thinking it's time for his shot, that sort of thing; but it's not as painful as it was at first. So we'll be ok. Thank you!!!!

[Cathy S.]

I am very sorry. That is a lot of loss in a short period of time. Praying for you.

[paulie]

Thanks for your story, sad as it was. Great pictures.

Best,
P.
http://sicluceatlux.wordpress.com

[me and my puppies]

Laura ~ I am so sorry for your loss. ~ Trish

[vicki]

oh, Laura. I am so sad to read this post. Like FC, I had come to know Buddy as an important member of your family- so loving and sweet. What a bad patch, Rico and then Buddy. One thing I've noticed about losing pets is that the grief is "good grief" in the sense that it is uncomplicated and simply sad and when it eases you do indeed have great memories and laughs and stories to tell about their antics. Take good care- and I'm glad you have Percy to hug.

[Dani]

I was just thinking about you. Big hugs.

[Mike]

I know this pain and I'm very sorry for you and your family. Dogs are so unconditional in their devotion. This title is superb and The Rainbow Bridge reference is comforting, too. Take care, Laura.